Reboot

2012-01-05T09:12:00.001+08:00

There is a perfectly valid and sane reason why I've decided to omit you guys from my life...

Sadly I'm confident that, selfish beings that you are, you won't bother knowing that I did it.

What's even sadder? You won't bother knowing why it had to be that way.

.

It doesn't take a genius to know...

2011-12-05T23:15:00.000+08:00

...
...
...

... then again, I don't really care all that much. The regret still lingers, yes. But other than that... blank.

Your life, your decisions.

on the recent fiasco in the office...

2011-10-25T17:05:00.000+08:00

It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends.

It has been a very long while since I was faced with a dilemma that walloped me emotionally. This event has been one of the most disturbing and confusing ones. And to my knowledge, the first event that triggered a panic attack.

I don't know when this will all be behind me. I pray it comes soon, and it comes as a positive learning experience for all.

2011-10-07T09:16:00.000+08:00

forgive me father, it's been two weeks since my last full run and/or workout. my sins are (1) consuming eight beers and two shots of hard liquor as post half-marathon celebratory drink(s), coupled with (2) consumption of pork fat and grainform carbohydrates that's way over the recommended dose by a licensed medical professional.

i accept my penance of extended period of hangover over the course of a week.

bleh.

*******************

it's sad that i'm seriously contemplating resignation from this company. sans the questionnable leadership & possible management direction, it's really a great place to work in. empowered colleagues, minimal politics, cool facilities, employee-centric programs... hay. bakit pa kasi sila napili eh.

so here i am. slowly updating my CV. sending it to external contacts. sending feelers to industry connections. beginning to close my chapter with this employer.

abangan.

******************

we'll be singing at sofitel next week, back-up choir for a concert.

funfunfun!!

CamSur 2011: DizzizzIt & The Aftermath

2011-09-25T15:05:00.001+08:00

2:00am - grumblegrumble, gotta dress up, took a hot bath, slipped into running gear, ate a breakfast of champions (banana & coffee), then proceeded to the shuttle station.

3:10am - arrived at the start point... even with the darkness, couldn't help but notice... hang daming hawt! took note of a few bib numbers, search agad pag available na race results :p

4:20am - crap kakaantok, gotta stretch, gotta stretch.

4:50am - eto na na mga eLRay Danzerz, it's warm-up time. and before you race, tirahin namin kayo ng fireworks. Matirang buhay, winner ng 21km!

5:00am-7:55am - tinamad na kong mag expound... but ang sarap tumakbo dito.

SHACKS... eez done weed da raze! And I've got the sore knees, blistered foot, and ragin appetite to prove it!

CamSur 2011: Day Zwei

2011-09-24T16:50:00.002+08:00

lingering headache... too much beer, not enuf water... and it's only quarter to five in the afternoon...

pretty worth it though. i feel very relaxed and laid back now, a far cry from tha anxious gut feeling i had weeks prior my departure.

game 1 admu vs feu playing now. headache still there. 21km gun start in 12 hours.

must. find. hangover cure.

CamSur 2011: Day Uno

2011-09-23T15:56:00.000+08:00

... wonder if writing this under the influence of 1 and 3/4's of two 500ml bottles of red Horse helps... oh well.

toucched down in CamSur aorund just befor 2pm. settled in a pretty cozy room that we'll try to work 4 peepz into (no towels i see, had to walk back to the reception area to adk). not many runners prssent yet, coach rio in between manning the reg table and watching some nba game. spent some time "carbo loading" with a double patty burger, makes for nice company with the 1 and 3/4ths of two 500ml bottles of red horse i ordered.

just at the tail end of the low pressure area in the bicol region. humid, wet ground, and sunshine on my nape.

life is good once more.

let's run.

Quick McDo Post

2011-09-22T08:21:00.000+08:00

... just a few days to go, and it's 21km nirvana-followed-by-days-of-aching-joints-&-possible-dead-toe-nails.

i loves it anywayz. makes me feel alive. and its just me versus the asphalt & bouts of lactic acid & side stitches.

though i've 3 other companions to look after though.

and there'll be throngz of runnerz to look at... but no touch :p

4 days away from manila. well deserved.

CAN'T WAIT!!

Road to CamSur 2011 Prep: Blister Prevention

2011-09-11T18:07:00.000+08:00

Road to CamSur 2011 Prep:

2011-09-11T16:55:00.000+08:00

There's a lot you can do to prevent runner's knee. You should:

Keep your thigh muscles strong and limber with regular stretching (forgot to do this... oops)
Use orthotics -- inserts for your shoes -- if you have flat feet or other foot problems that may lead to runner's knee.
Make sure your shoes have enough support.
Avoid running on hard surfaces, like concrete (good luck with that!)
Stay in shape and keep a healthy weight (check na check)
Never abruptly increase the intensity of your workout. Make changes slowly (errr... trying)
Wear a knee brace while exercising, if you have had runner's knee before.
Buy quality running shoes and discard them once they lose their shape or the sole becomes worn or irregular (sana may budget)

Dear Void ver. 9/10/11,

2011-09-11T00:02:00.000+08:00

unusual coincidental date stamp you got going. chatted with yet another headless netizen. thankfully, he seemed to have a level-minded wit about him. questionned why i was using the app, inquisitive about the state and keel of my relationship. threw back the words of wisdom i already thought of, though opted to compromise for an evenly-shared happiness.

this happiness is far from fairy tale or folk lore. but it's far more worth than either the compromises many have made, or the selfishness others choose to practice.

enough of this, i've got to train early tomorrow morning.

good night yet again, void.

Revelations

2011-09-05T08:05:00.000+08:00

the weekend proved to be quite fulfilling. got to catch-up with a faraway friend whom i've only traded nice online messages with for almost a year. hung out in some watering hole in the metro. exchanged updates about the humdrum parts. eventually segued into that oh-so-familiar topic.

learned about something new with a certain couple (or menage?).

now, had events played out in the ideal scenario, i would've been concerned & reacted differently.

but things didn't turn out the way i'd hoped.

and so after hearing the news... i didn't give a flying fuck.

make sure to stay away from that walking time bomb.

2011-09-04T11:02:00.002+08:00

move Me, just like Jagger

2011-09-04T10:59:00.003+08:00

Let's dance baby...

2011-08-29T14:04:00.001+08:00

wala talaga. arrival, departure, ticketing, customs... ganda-ganda talaga iloilo airport!

My (dad's) Roots

2011-08-28T10:45:00.000+08:00

the boo arranged for a lightning trip to iloilo. my first time to be here, on my 3rd day in already. some thoughts...

• by far, the nicest airport-area setup i've seen. actual airport was small but sleek. the land surrounding it was spacious with lush greenery. the neighborhood was spaced far apart... well, until you get closer to the city center.

• the hunt for the elusive KBL (kadyos, baboy, langka) is still on. versus pancit molo, this takes the cake for me. seems they consider this more as a home-prepared, home-cooked, home-eaten meal. grrrrrr...

• while on that hunt: roberto's for jumbo siopao, deco's for la paz batchoy, breathrough & tatoy's for native lechon chicken (not recommended) and the beach scenery (pwede na, but there are better areas ata), peppy thai deli for sotong and shrimp goreng (saraaaaaaap)...

• waiting for boo to check out of smallville.

• next destination: Guimaras!!

2011-08-24T08:10:00.000+08:00

been 3 days since my last run... not as painful anymore. but craving for carbs still pretty much there. augh. will prolly hit the gym later, light run or cycling, then back to upper body torture session.

KK blogging session now, though just near the office this time around. turned off already with job prospects at work. keeping busy polishing my resume and online profiles. and not f*cking up my current tasks.

life is blah.

8/20 prep to 8/21 run

2011-08-20T20:47:00.000+08:00

• lack of gym activity, replaced by major dust clean-up of bathroom

• afternoon coffee & leche flan hang out with mah boo

• impulse purchase of one snazzy puma jacket

• gaz refill and tyre check for mazda3... should've had water checked too

• hour-long wait for the boyz in some karaoke place

2011-08-18T08:45:00.001+08:00

• Rise of the Planet of the Apes is a really good movie. but it's a f*cking depressing one too.

• Two bottles of Red Horse beer after an ethically challenged work day is a good thing.

• A Krispy Kreme doughnut does indeed deliver that melts-in-your-mouth sensation.

• If I weren't partnered right now, I'd take the first flight out to Singapore. Or Australia. Or New Zealand. And I'd never come back.

• Having a partner makes you appreciate the smaller things in life.

2011-08-07T18:47:00.001+08:00

Sure life's like a roller coaster full of ups and downs and plateaus and corkscrews and dips and whathaveyou...

... and don't get me wrong, I try to be grateful for the things that are going right my way...

... but either it's yet another disappointment, or a turn for the unexpected.

I'm not needy. I am definitely not greedy.

C'mon!!!!!!

2011-08-04T23:17:00.002+08:00

waiting in anticipation...

I am patient....

...

2011-07-10T15:38:00.000+08:00

I ain't your mamma, your keeper, your crutch, your spirit guide, your fallback, your resbak, your conscience, or your guardian angel.

.

T'was a Good Weekend

2011-07-03T17:18:00.000+08:00

- 3 day escape with my special someone. Enjoyed the massages, the movie, the food and the bed time. 7th year anniversary. Need I say more? Happy happy!

- got a call from my teammate. Looks like that IT vacancy I've been waiting for is getting more serious by the day. Was told to set a schedule with the hiring leader to discuss what I need to prove to get the job. Happy iscurrred!

- A repeat of the movie, this time with family to celebrate younger bro's 28th birthday. Which was followed by a very late night hangout session with friends cum theater folk at home. Semi-hammered by Carlo Rossi 11.5% red wine. Woozy woozy!

- Uber lazy Sunday now. Trying to find the will to go to the gym. Need to burn-off brother's coffee jelly. Am afraid of the possible lack of sleep later. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

.

2011-06-24T06:38:00.002+08:00

strong rain, can't commute in this.

taking the car. feels like a chore to drive in this weather.

tgif!

2011-06-23T04:00:00.002+08:00

Didn't expect to be up this early... ho hum...

My Personal Pavlovian Shock Therapy

2011-06-22T08:49:00.002+08:00

"Pavlov's research on conditional reflexes greatly influenced not only science, but also popular culture. The phrase "Pavlov's dog" is often used to describe someone who merely reacts to a situation rather than using critical thinking..."

"...However, his writings record the use of a wide variety of stimuli, including electric shocks..."

so.
that explains that.

traumatic event
associate with focal point ergo stimuli
subsequent defensive reaction

visual cue. shock. walls come up.

auditory cue. shock. divert attention elsewhere.

virtual presence cue. shock. politically correct posturing while maintaining semblance of normalcy.

well. despite the subconscious reactions, no untoward incidents. the world continues to turn.

Today's the Day!

2011-06-09T07:15:00.000+08:00

After a year and a half's worth of waiting, and pain enduring, and breath reducing, and blood seeping, and floss fighting, and cross-country travelling, and tight parking, and chair sleeping, and soft chewing...

... now if only the weather and power supply cooperates just a little bit.

drove at 1am

2011-06-05T08:46:00.000+08:00

on the drive back home from veej's hotel party of awesomeness, decided to just shut-off the car stereo... the reason of which still eludes me as of this morning.

very few cars on the skyway. road was brightly lit. the alternating sound of (almost) smooth asphalt and metal/skyway segment(izer).

it felt like a perfect moment. weird no?

mom i don't wanna go to school...

2011-05-09T06:21:00.000+08:00

quite difficult to get out of bed this morning. cold air + dark skies + warm bed + monday work day = ____________.

will try to stay awake during taining today.

Hang Enet Mehn!

2011-04-28T15:08:00.000+08:00

This week has so far been blessed by... a wall of heat. Past few afternoons have greeted me at the lobby downstairs with a humid embrace, followed by blankets of sleepless nights due to buckets of sweat. Now nursing a semi-headache due to lack of sleep due to hot and humid nights.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTT!!!!

2011-04-20T17:25:00.001+08:00

all hail the long vacation, and all the faux devout catholics who appear to celebrate the events that coincide with it.

blogging from one of dem frozen yoghurt stores in makati. sharing the 2nd floor space with a group of girls, r&b music piped in, a muted baseball game playing on their plasma screen (asked them nicelu to switch to jack tv to see the new glee episode).

nothing much planned yet for the next few days of non-work bliss. maybe another attempt at cleaning my room. a jog around filinvest is a definite yes. a road trip around the deserted streets of makati and manila is a big possibility.

i miss the beach though. the parties were fun, event after event on the beach strip. the food and booze kept on coming. the oggling of beach bods were a trip... not so much the stiff necks that followed. the carefree spirit and hedonistic possibilities heavy in the air...

boy, i've been cooped up in concrete land far too long.

The Blind Side

2011-04-17T23:15:00.001+08:00

Watched most parts... switched between channels... force of habit of not wanting to see emotionally uncomfortable moments e.g. heartbreak scenes, awkward silences, confrontations, etc.

Did feel a bit patronizing, but I liked that it gave me a nice hopeful feeling at the end.

"Michael scored in the 98th percentile for 'protective instincts'."

Though not a very quotable quote, that line got to me.

2011-04-12T10:52:00.000+08:00

on the go post. at dlsu-yias now, 30+ floors below my office. this is kind of neat. though still trying to get used to the screen keyboard, still prone to errors.

in a company townhall now, boss just finished talking. high-falluting words flying left and right. am more hungry. people are anticipating the secret videos developed for our resigning folks, which includes my outgoing boss.

okay, just got shushed by my teammate. focus now.

Brrrrr...

2011-04-08T07:43:00.000+08:00

For a midsummer morning...

ANG LAMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEG....

Thank God I took a leave today. Now off to the dentist...

Acidic Soda and Quiet Streets

2011-04-03T16:51:00.000+08:00

Typing this at the office on a Sunday afternoon. We got a quarterly bonding thing at Chilli's later, so I thought of going to Makati early for some quiet time. Parked the car at dad's office, walked a bit in Greenbelt, took a look at some scratch remover products for the car, yada yada. Thought that the walk going to the office would be mildly sweaty, so I bought a large-sized lemonade drink to cool me down.

Walking along the inner streets of Makati on a Sunday afternoon is both calming, and a bit creepy. It's quiet and sleepy, with almost no moving cars (and people) in sight. It's like a scene from that Will Smith post-apocalyptic zombie movie.

I stare at the very few people roaming around, checking out what they look like, deducing what profession and social standing they belong to, wondering where they're off to, if they're hungry or not, if they're horny or got their rocks off recently... hmmm, wonder why I thought of that one. Must be the lemonade. I should've bought the regular size. And ingested it with something solid.

I feel a crap coming along.

Anyways, it's almost time for that bonding bit. Laterz.

2011-04-03T12:59:00.000+08:00

Wrist pain's back. Gotta brace it up again. It looks cool, but so cumbersome to handle stuff with it.

quick donut post

2011-03-30T07:34:00.002+08:00

it's around 7:30am now, blogging now fron the nearby krispy kreme outlet a few blocks from my office. been awake since 4am, had to attend a 5am telecom. this call fared better with me having more airtime to talk. call mercifully ended early, was able to squeeze a few emails on for all my workmates... a not-so-blatant announcement that i was in the office at the appointed time and am not slacking.

am trying to stave off that all too familiar puyat feeling. this krispy kreme joint's quite convenient and reliable; close enough to walk to but far enough so i won't see anyone from the office. very stable wifi connection for uninhibited browsing. tasty coffee. and donuts. 'nuff said.

am just watching the parade of fellow corporate rats go by. i wonder how different their lives are from mine. if they're better off in some aspects, or if i'm doing okay as opposed to most. i wonder if i'll ever get to know any of them, if one of them will suddenly be catapulted to stardom or infamy. i wonder if my existence matters to these folks. or if theirs will have an impact on mine.

okay. it's the puyat talking again. time to join the parade.

So, what's next?

2011-03-29T10:17:00.000+08:00

Am quite happy and surprised with how fast my projects are progressing and/or finishing up. A company policy I helped in realigning and streamlining certain processes and communication for is being rolled out, with formal effectivity this Friday. A new online platform for my team that I (painstakingly) spearheaded since last year is up and running, and has been made available to our target folks already. The video I helped conceptualize, with me overseeing and coordinating the actual shoot, has just been made available to the general netizen population thru our careers portal. Will enter into discussions with another communications group to have that same video uploaded in our corporate account in YouTube.

Am well on my way to regain my top performer status, which I lost due to indirect and unforseen events last year. Cheers to better focus in 2011. Go me!

Now am trying to be as patient as I can in waiting for the job vacancies in the IT group. I want to talk less. I wanna tinker with systems. I wanna generate and analyze reports and trends. I wanna travel damnit!

Speaking of travel, need to gather my documents already for our visa processing. British and Spanish Embassies, here we come.

Other than that, it's all hazy. Hmmm...

I wish I could go back to College...

2011-03-27T07:24:00.004+08:00

Just dawned on me this morning, waking up to an aching back.

It's exactly 9 years since I graduated from college.

I remember waking up in my boarding house room, the place virtually empty of my belongings. Woke up in my bed of 4 years with no sheets, 2 towels for a pillow and a blanket, and a small bag by my bedside, containing stuff I'd need for the graduation ceremonies in the afternoon. An event that was, frankly, quite forgettable compared to the 4 years that preceded it.

I remember having my first sexual encounter on that bed (a month after turning 19 *gasp*, Christmas-time when all boarders weren't around, on a quiet afternoon... not a very good one at that though). I remember jacking off a lot of times in that bed, fantasizing about so many people and situations. I recall numerous attempts at pushing my boardmates out of my bed, with them falling in love with the mattress having developed a nice cushioning and contour effect from years of use (come to think of it, I'm not so certain of that bed's sanitary conditions). I remember countless nights watching VCD's with my boardmates on that bed using someone else's laptop tethered to my monitor.

I remember countless walks to and from the village and school, the Mcdonald's on the corner opposite Shakey's (scene of endless study attempts and pusoy dos tourneys), the newly opened (not anymore) Starbucks and Jollibee (not very new) joints beside the overpass. And yes, the vast greenery buffering the campus from the noise and pollution of Katipunan Avenue. I remember quite a few mornings and late afternoons sitting in a pocket stool-and-table area near the field, reading either my notes from class or a Harry Potter book. I remember a few eccentric batchmates (Yagi and Garon and Mike I think), with a Sax, a Guitar and a Violin in hand(S), jamming and strumming and harmonizing. Quite a number of those walks, of those reading times, were to the tune of those folks jamming.

I remember falling in love with running. Started as a chore and an obligation to grumble at in my 1st year, a requirement for P.E., waking up at 4am to go a few rounds in the campus. Eventually I befriended a good running buddy there, who became my workout buddy, whom I had breakfast with a couple of times. For some reason, we just lost touch come 3rd year. But I continued to run. Early mornings. Early evenings. A good 3-4 times around the entire grounds, altering the route a few times. I carried along a 1st generation mp3 player, was one of the few people who owned such, a 5inch geometric shape of a thing, could only play 12 songs I think. Can't seem to remember what songs were in the darn thing. But I ran. I worked out. And ran some more.

I remember various people. People I crushed on and crushed on hard. People I enjoyed late nights with, enjoyed trips to the malls with. I fondly recall friends whom I played hooky with, and shared adventures with. I remember teachers, some I am proud to have been taught by, others whom I think deserved to cry because of our insolence and youth. I remember my college orgs, and the close associations I have with those groups and those people... bonds I find stronger as opposed to the one I'm supposed to have with the school itself (or my other schools for that matter).

I remember the buildings. The way the library smelled. The way the old museum felt comforting to me. The privileged feeling I had in being given access to the backstage areas of the mini and experimental theaters (I miss our make-shift sleeping quarters during those runs, complete with my air bed donation). The taste of the turon in the old Bellarmine Caf, and the sandwiches at the defunct Food for Thought, and the cheap food and nice view of Marikina and the cemetery at the hidden canteen of the Jesuit center. In between the hussle and bussle of daily campus life, I remember spending quiet moments with friends or by myself in that campus.

I remember stormy days, sunny mornings, balmy afternoons and nice cold evenings in that place.

.

I can't go back to college, doesn't seem feasible. Wouldn't want to go back either just to recapture the things above.

But it makes for a nicer wake-up from sleep whenever I remember these things.

Happy 9th Graduation Anniversary.

My Myers Briggs / Kiersey Personality Profile... Wait, what?

2011-03-23T15:06:00.004+08:00

http://www.keirsey.com/4temps/counselor.asp

I wish more people would nurture me for a change...

Early Urly Morning Recap to-date

2011-03-15T07:14:00.000+08:00

So it's 4:56AM on a Tuesday, been in the office since quarter to 5AM, waiting for yet another telecon to happen. Still battling sleepiness.

...................

Had a massage last night. More on that later.

...................

7:12AM. Adding some stuff to a PPT deck I'm supposed to roll-out this week. Playing a DVD-ripped file of Mama Mia in the background. Still sleepy.

...................

Spent a nice weekend with my SO in Cebu. More on that later too.

2011-03-10T12:23:00.000+08:00

Just doing my best to be as productive as possible... waiting for that final interview, hoping for that golden nod from the hiring manager, wishing for some change in salary details...

But wait. I must revert back to my previous blog.
.
.
.
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay...
.
.
.
.
I am grateful for at least half of my teammates. I am grateful for supportive colleagues outside of my team. I am grateful for the challenging opportunities that my outgoing boss has given me. I am grateful for nicely appointed hotels at affordable prices. I am grateful for good deals on gym membership prices, and on budget travel expenses.

I am grateful for a loving and supportive partner. I am grateful for my health, and for my family's health. I am grateful for near-far friends who make their presence known, who make me feel I matter in their lives. I am grateful for good weather, for sunny days, for clear skies, for wet evenings and snug early mornings.

I am grateful that we're still okay.

Never Expect

2011-03-06T20:24:00.001+08:00

... a very hard lesson to learn.

... don't want to continue learning this first-hand.

... wishful thinking, but hoping there's a computer-based training for this.

Sniff... :-(

2011-03-05T20:08:00.000+08:00

I miss our regal beagle, Java...

http://i.imgur.com/19Hwt.jpg

The Bucket will always be full...

2011-03-04T17:58:00.001+08:00

So says one of our leaders in the office.

Apparently, she's right.

And so here I am, approaching 6:00 pm, on a Friday, still in the office.

Emptying my bucket a few scoopfuls at a time. Finishing and sending out emails, creating and sending statistical reports, fixing physical files and storage space, laying out items on the intranet site, updating my resume, yada yada yada...

It's tiring. But I am looking forward to celebrating the end of the week with my special someone, spending Saturday with south friends in a restful place farther down south, and a less hectic start of the week come next week.

Am thankful. Yeah, thankful =)

2011-03-01T22:43:00.000+08:00

Raining outside now. Looking forward to the cool/cold breeze for a snug, sound sleep time.

Realization

2011-02-27T17:59:00.003+08:00

Just had a nice Sunday morning chat with Poldo. Somehow it once again coasted into a too familiar topic.

Yeah I still feel sad (an understatement) about how this whole thing spiraled out of control. That it started out with the very best of intentions, only to end up in uncomfortable silence and hang-outs in-absentia.

I'm doing my best to counter these thoughts by keeping myself busy. But it's been difficult for me to just forgive and forget.

2011-02-26T15:51:00.000+08:00

Cottage cheese isn't exactly what I call comfort food, especially with it being icy cold...

... but eating it right now feels good.

Relaxing Saturday. Woke up semi-early, watched some TV. Huffed and puffed at the gym. Had a buzz cut and hair pampering done.

And now in bed. Eating cottage cheese. Watching dibidi's.

Life is good.

2011-02-23T17:42:00.002+08:00

exhausted. need to space out.

little by little, i'm turning into a recluse.

I've passed the stage where this would've be my theme song, but I'd like to attack this someday...

2011-02-20T13:43:00.001+08:00

I think I can reach this, just need to train myself up again.

2011-02-16T23:00:00.000+08:00

just coasting along nowadays. drama levels are within acceptable limts. guess it helped that i kept myself busy... willingly and otherwise.

work projects, corporate extracurricular duties and events, extra extracurricular activities after work and within alabang, catching myself at times consciously controlling my breathing... did that stream of thought make any sense?

life is what happens when you are too busy making other plans.

A Good, Relaxing, Slightly Mournful Sunday

2011-02-13T18:30:00.002+08:00

Accompanied my mom to our Tita's property in Silang, 2 lots away from ours. Mom played the guilt trip tactic, as my Dad and older brother declined the invitation.

We convoyed with her old highschool classmates, two of whom were visiting from the US (naval intelligence employees or something like that). Was the only person below the age of 40, but I guess it's all good. The drive to and from the place was a bit annoying, as my mom once again subconsciously exhibited her backseat driving skills.

The trip was worth it though. With her work as a microfinance lender entrepreneur, my Tita's property... more like hacienda, has been really decked out. Authentic Ifugao huts trucked all the way from the north, Benguet artisans and masons who took the trip with the huts who did the terracing of the property, complete with Adobe rocks cut from the mountain sides of Bulacan. The place was peppered with various wooden antiques and artwork sourced from wherever my Tita found them. So yeah, I think she's loaded.

After doing the usual good son rounds and armed with my trusty Pod and Harry Potter book, I retreated to a nice wooded area near the man-made water falls. Tried to do a bit of reading, but the place was too conducive for a nice nap. Played some Enya to accompany the waterfall and breeze sounds, settled on the divan under one of the gazebos, and slept. Woke up an hour or so later and then just took in the sun.

The group decided to leave by 4pm. Around that time, the breeze turned a bit more chilly, with the sun starting to shine a rustier orange hew. It looked and felt sad somehow... a weighted goodbye to a nice and relaxing weekend.

Oh well, it was good while it lasted.

Thank you, Weekend. So what's next?

Night Shift, Redux

2011-02-10T23:27:00.001+08:00

So here I am. In the office. At 11pm. Again.

Turns out that this safety governance thingy telecon... 8:00am San Ramon time.......... 12:F#CK!Npm our time... is every month. Already talked to my boss about the pros and cons of attending this, given that the things I execute for the group is pretty much chicken feed for me, and is something that I've definitely done before in different forms and fashion. Though boss saw my point, she reasoned out that if not for the skills which I already have, then it should be for the potential company network, which I should try to build up.

In other words, suck it up and start rubbing elbows.

Oh well.

And so I'm in the office, wearing just shorts and rubber shoes and a comfy polo shirt. Was tempted to go sporty and ditch the polo shirt in favor of a running singlet.

Makes for a good scenario, with me tempting Makati motorists and passers-by at 2:00am.

"Boy, may pang tuition ka na ba?" Part 2.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

It's 1:30 am. They're extending, yet again. So, what else is new?

First Recount - Wanting What I Couldn't Have

2011-02-02T04:35:00.003+08:00

I had one of those unusually vivid dreams. Centered around this one batchmate, whom I knew as far back as Grade 1. He's taller than me, fair skinned, with mestizo features. Not drop-dead gorgeous, but he can hold his own. He's not built, but he played tennis in high school (I believe he runs now). What sets him apart from my other batchmates is that he's got the gift of glib. He's quick-witted and worldly wise, and can out-debate anyone I knew at the time. Way back in grade school he already knew what pop culture and cum and orgasm meant way before anyone of us knew how to spell those words.

Why do I remember him? Well, he gave me my first kiss. And now that I'm older I realize it now. He gave me my first heartbreak.

...................................................

The first time I remember him was in Grade 1. We celebrating Valentine's Day at school I think. I remember bringing some chocolates to class, am guessing the teacher made us do it. So there we were in class, and I think we were asked to draw lots so we can get paired-up with another classmate. Then each pair would go in front of the class and exchange gifts.

I don't know if I was the one who drew the lot or the other group picked. But regardless, he and I were the ones who got matched up. So we went to the front of the class. I gave him my gift. He gave his.

Then he kissed me. A quick peck on the cheek. Delivered with the velocity of a punch. And I mean that in the literal sense of the phrase.

I got knocked down on the floor. Everybody laughed.

..................................................

It's Physical Ed. Not sure if it was still Grade 2 or 3. He and I were supposed to learn this kid's patty-cake game.

Please porridge hot, please porridge cold

Please porridge in the pot, 9 days old

Some like it hot, some like it cold

Some like it in the pot 9 days old

(Repeat but use Tralalala instead. Yeah, I know what you're thinking)

After doing the thing a number of times, I wanted to play with the other kids. But he wanted me to stay and play with him. So I did.

...................................................

Grade 4. It was class photo day. We were asked to assemble at the school's playing grounds where the risers were. The teacher arranged us, I think girls at the bottom of the risers, boys at the top (how heterosexually subliminal). He and I were next to each other... (had to rifle through 3 old yearbooks to check).

Photographer counts down to take the photos.

He starts tickling me from behind. I tickled back.

Photo with two happy boys immortalized.

....................................................

We got assigned to different sections come Grade 5. Didn't see each other much since then. I remember trying to initiate quick conversation in the halls, but didn't get a warm response. When we reached that level when everyone elected a Batch Representative, I decided to run on a whim, and I got the job. I asked a number of people to help me figure out what to do for that school year, and someone else sort of dragged Him in the planning committee.

So that summer we were planning a few projects in someone's house. Friends were sharing ideas. People were sharing stories. He was busy narrating his, I don't remember anymore what was it about. Another friend interjected. Then he said something about them being Best Friends.

The meeting continued. The meeting ended.

.................................................

I didn't know it then, but I was crushed when I heard that.

Going Back to My Roots

2011-02-01T21:14:00.001+08:00

For the first time in over 2 years, I was able to touch Design software again.

And it felt GOOD.

Hay. Might be too late in the game to switch careers. Plus there's a tonne of competition out there.

When's the Next Big Thing?

2011-01-31T19:08:00.000+08:00

I feel like on the verge of something new. I'd like to think that in the near future it's a new and exciting position, that leads to a new career path, that takes me to new places and meet new people.

The not-so-distant future definitely speaks of travel. More sourced from personal funds rather than corporate-sponsored, but I'd like to think there's a few of the latter in there. Besides, it's more meaningful if you spend your hard-earned cash on that... there's that air of self-accomplishment, plus you get to do it with the people you'd rather spend it with... well, just the One.

Am waiting in anticipation. But I won't just sit and be pretty.

I'll meet you half way.

2011-01-30T21:05:00.002+08:00

Am swearing off doctors...

2011-01-29T16:42:00.002+08:00

... except for this one:

Saw him in a few other shows when he was younger. But regardless.... yeah :)

Malate sans Smoke & Mirrors

2011-01-23T15:06:00.002+08:00

... began my day with legs workout (2 weeks to go before Condura 2011), then drove the folks to some Chinese restaurant across Pan Pacific Manila. As with any trip to a Chinese resto, food was overflowing. To counter the bursting-at-the-seams feeling, I left my folks with their friends and took a walk.

Malate. The place both tempted and scared me, given my involuntary lifestyle and the cultural context-at-large. But seeing there were so few people on the streets on a Sunday, I ventured and explored.

Naturally, the bars were closed, but the tell tale signs of the type of patrons they catered to are there. Blown-up (pun intended) photos of muscled men beckon from windows and rooftops. Rainbow-themed coverings and backgrounds are seen here and there. The pavement was cracked and pock-marked in places. A number of shops (some in prime locations) were closed indefinitely. Other than myself, no male specimen (or any other person for that matter) walked the streets.

On the outskirts, massage parlors and "spas" peppered the area. A few guys were out, washing and tidying up their respective establishments. One washer looked sort-of on the yummy side: mid-sized, bronzed skin, wearing nothing but short maong shorts (typical?), with muscles bulging in the right places... too sinewy for my taste though. A bit more meat, slight love handles and I would've stopped dead in my tracks.

Another MP had a male sentinel by the door, bored as hell, and was sitting down on a rickety stool while looking out on the street. Didn't know if he was one of the service boys or the lookout. Nevertheless, he spotted me, and beckoned with those two familiar words

"Massage sir?"

I was tempted to look, to see if the body and face belonging to that voice would ensnare me. To venture if I would succumb to the call.

Thankfully... or sadly... I did not.

.

Tuscany as Inspiration

2011-01-15T15:29:00.000+08:00

After seeing Under the Tuscan Sun... I suddenly got fired up with the upcoming trip to Europe.

Burn Midnight Oil, Burn

2011-01-13T23:50:00.001+08:00

It's 11:48 pm on a Thursday night. Waiting for a blasted teleconference with my US counterparts. Brain is starting to swim again. Can't drink coffee otherwise I'll have an insomnia attack. Must stay awake.

...
Now at 1:14 am... pusang hilaw, please stop prolonging the agony!!! No more small talk, no more technical glitches, no more items that only affect your OpCo, stick to items that are enterprise-wide..

Huhuhuhuhuhuhu.... :((

...
ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZzzzzzzzz...

Death by CBT

2011-01-10T14:34:00.001+08:00

Currently taking a computer-based training (CBT) at the office. The narrator is lulling me to sleep. Sorely tempted to play solitaire while the module is ongoing. Can't ingest anymore coffee lest I battle another bout of insomnia.

Must. Survive. Work day.

Top o' the mornin' to ya Guv'nah!

2011-01-09T21:46:00.000+08:00

There's Life Outside Manila

2011-01-09T21:16:00.000+08:00

I'm glad we're planning on something extraordinary come latter part of the year. I, J, and a few of his friends are going to embark on a cross-geography journey.

Take-off from Manila

Slight pitstop at Kuala Lumpur

AND THEN...

Time to start saving up!!!!!!!

2011-01-09T10:22:00.012+08:00

"Friendship is like a garden. You have to water it, and tend it, and care about it. Or you lose it. And you know what? I miss it, and I want it back."

Or so the lyrics said.

I tried being the good gardener. I tried my best to show that I was a good friend. Checking on you and him every so often during that tumultuous time just to know you're both okay. Trooping back to Makati a number of times... most of which I was almost home and ready to rest for the night... all because you asked, and to just to hang out with you and our common friend. Helping your knight in shining armor plan your birthday (with you not knowing about my participation).

It was very inconvenient for me, to say the least. And it showed both at home and at work. Folks wondered why I was so distracted. My boss questioned the quality of my work. Hell, I think I wouldn't be getting much of a bonus for last year's performance. But I did it anyway for the sake of enriching our friendship. I went through a shared experience with you. I shared more of myself with you than with anybody else. I understood that you had your life to live, that you needed to study and study hard. I understood that you needed to connect with him now that I've brought you two together.

I gave you some space to settle things. And I waited to see if things would turn out for the better. Thanks for the Pure of Heart bit, it meant a lot to me. But I'm human, and part of that is seeking reciprocity. I did you guys a favor. A VERY BIG ONE AT THAT. I risked emotional trauma and my reputation for crying out loud. And I was really hoping you guys can show just a bit of affection in return. Not romantic. But I needed to feel I matter here.

All I simply wanted was to get some validation that I was a valued friend. An occasional phone call to check how I was. A random text message. Even just to say "Hi." Something. Anything.

The only time you ever initiated contact was to text & attempt to call and check if I was free for an out-of-town thing. Which happened to be your convenient time. Texts and calls of which by the way I wasn't the only recipient of. I read it as a generic invite.

Apart from that, in the months that passed since your birthday... Nothing.

Not even a reciprocal "Happy Birthday" that we used to yearly exchange with one another since we became friends. Pucha, not even a generic holiday greeting.

I didn't get the result I was hoping for. Based on my recent experience... you only initiate when it's convenient for you. When you have a direct need of my presence.

Tangina. Ang damot nyo.

Miss the original friendship? Shit. Of course, I do.

Want it back?
.
.
.
.
.
.
I don't know anymore.

It's too much of a heartbreak. And I am emotionally spent. I'll probably just wait until you're on that plane out of here.

2010-12-28T20:08:00.003+08:00

I am emotionally tired. Yet again.

I wish... I wish...

Tipsiness deadens the senses. But honestly, I'd rather not resort to this therapy.

Fcuk it.

Words to Sum Up the Last Days of 2010

2010-12-27T17:19:00.000+08:00

... Mellow. A pretty darn good ebb and flow of activity. Things just came along unhurriedly, but still gave me some sense of (purpose) (meaning) (movement). Didn't feel the Christmas spirit as much, but I'll take whatever positive spirit I can get.

... Reconnected. Fun few-but-meaningful days spent with the Southies. Gave 'em their presents, hope they fit though. Still have some more to give, but geographical boundaries are a bit of a nuisance. Oh well, something will come up to fix things. Relatives abound too, mellowness was momentarily disrupted with their welcome visits. House has been bustling with activity, and will continue to... bustle (?) until the New Year comes in.

... Thankful. Had some heart-to-heart talks with a few buddies, am glad I got to unload some thoughts from my noggin. Am grateful that they lent some time and willing ears to listen. 'S all I ask for really. Thanks guys, really means a lot to me.

... Waiting in Anticipation. Of what's to come in 2011. Of how life will play itself out in the next few days, weeks, months. Trying my best not to set expectations... boy, that's a tough lesson I'm still trying to struggle with. I am hopeful I will be victorious.

2010-12-23T19:54:00.002+08:00

Will spend tonight with J in the south. Don't feel comfortable joining the boys tonight, even tho I miss them a lot.

Damn season.

The Good Kind of Tired

2010-12-21T12:29:00.000+08:00

- After waking up and enjoying the VL bliss, updated my Multiply account with new pictures. Yup, it's still alive, but I deleted most of the contacts there for better privacy. Let the FB account be the extrovert nonsensical side of myself.

- Most of the morning was spent doing spring cleaning yet again. Vacuumed, washed, wiped, threw, sorted, rearranged. Room feels lighter again. I hope it stays that way for a longer period than last.

- Brought in the new matress. Subjected my pillows to the hot dryer, then redressed them.

- Lying down in bed now to break it in, waiting for lunch. Didn't realize it's past noon already.

- Might hang out with Poldo and Flip later. Reward for a job well done.

PETIX TIL NU YIR!!!!!!!!!

2010-12-21T09:11:00.002+08:00

Yun lang.

So happy.

So Far, So Good

2010-12-20T12:02:00.000+08:00

Synched my Pod with new songs and movies. Old content was retained, so I can still watch the True Blood series Flip loaded there... kaka-adik. Damn you, Flip!

Called up the credit card company to check on my balances. Wow, didn't realize I had that many payables. Must remember to subject the card to occasional lock-and-key. Then again, it was high time I bought new work shoes, as well as the new Pod ver.3.0.

Took the car today, parked it across Greenbelt. Was a good drive this morning, I could get used to it. But still, being a passenger is still my preferred setting.

Last day at work before that much needed stretch of VL. Happy happy happy day.

Takes Me Back

2010-12-18T09:23:00.000+08:00

Been spending the whole morning downloading songs for my new Pod. Already have a good library, courtesy of my more tech-savvy brother. Recent downloads are more for my moods. And long forgotten soundtracks from my kid-hood and day dream topak days.

Totoy songs. But good memories nonetheless. Remembering HS summer downhill road trips from Baguio using the Ferngully songs, boat rides to the beach with Enya, college study groups with Romy & Michele... Hard not to smile right now. I had good memories with these songs.

Momma, a tornado was in my room...

2010-12-18T08:30:00.000+08:00

... an 8-year-old's excuse which sorta summarizes how my room looks like now.

So fine, Merry Christmas to me. Imma gonna clean.

But first.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

After such a long time...

2010-12-17T22:44:00.000+08:00

I can breathe freely again. Mentally speaking of course.

Now, on to petix time. Need to concentrate on building up my new baby.

World, meet DeinPod ver. 3.0

Sad Day eJeep Ride

2010-12-17T06:39:00.000+08:00

Pretty heavy morning yday. Conducted a rather nasty exit interview for a very disgruntled employee, wasn't deployed to do the same interview for a cute employee whom I have... Similar connections with, was told I wasn't short-listed for a post I was gunning for, and a good teammate of mine told me she was resigning early next year...

I needed quiet time. Told everyone I had a topak moment and went down the bldg. Saw the eJeep, hopped on.

GMail Postings and Company Firewalls

2010-12-15T12:26:00.001+08:00

Apparently, our so-called mature and responsible employees cannot seem to control their consumption of Facebook and Farmville and YouTube, thus the heavy traffic of our bandwidth (I suppose I contribute a small fraction by using Blogger, but still). While not totally banning access to said websites, our IT was crafty enough to block certain apps and controls... which made the interfaces of these (and other) websites crappy.

And so am trying this one out. Postings via GMail.

Wonder how it'll look like.

Testing testing.

Let's Begin (Again)

2010-12-13T10:46:00.000+08:00

Work's beginning to taper off for the year. Countdown to the start of a well-deserved long vacation leave is ongoing. Already cleaning out my work space to make room for more clutter next year. Waiting to see if I'll be considered for a higher position in another group. Still haven't bought gifts for people. Considering to take an extra leave just to buy gifts for people.

And a partridge in a pear tree.

Happy Holidays :)